Nut Bucket Films

my head is a constant mind-f#%k…

In Uncategorized on January 20, 2011 at 9:47 am

I am alright...I really am

Or my mind is getting away from me.  Sometimes I don’t even know what I am thinking about.

That is a stretch.  My mind works just fine.  In fact, it works too much.  Too much thinking and over-thinking.  What has really been getting to me lately is my career.  It is a serious mind-f#&k.  It is not that I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.  Shit, I am plenty grown up even though I like to act like I am not, more times than not.

It is just that I feel that my plate is too full.  How can you be good at everything when you do so many things?  I Produce.  I started to do this TV Pilot about a month back with a talented writer/director I know and another close friend is Producing with me.  It is a great project and I think it has a lot of potential.  So I am digging through all my resources to make some shit come to life for this thing.  We start shooting this Saturday and we shall see.  We have put together a hell of a cast so far.

I Direct which by default has me producing as well, at least until someone comes in and gives me the “big bucks” to hire a great Producer.  I have two projects in the early stages of creation that are both very f#&ing good.  I have told you all before.  One is a thriller/horror feature film made for the Internet and the other is “MY NEW BABY”.  It is the creme de la creme.  The mother of all ships.  This one is gonna affect some people.  I have never been more excited and passionate about a project yet.  And best thing, the excitement and passion has not faded one bit.  Usually when you think of something it is the best right away, then it gradually fades out from being this superb idea into something mediocre.  Not this one.  I will share no details because it is that close to me.  I have lived a lot in the years I have been alive.  Soon I will get to show everyone.

A still Act.  Commercial acting pays a lot of bills.  It is great money when you get the job.  It is fairly easy too.  You don’t really have to prepare.  You can just go and show up to the audition and go into the room and do what you are supposed to do.  Rarely you will get some material ahead of time and have to learn a page of script.  But if so, it is still rather simple.  It comes down to advertising a lot.  It is common that Chevy or Bud Light wants a specific look and really you have no control over what happens.  It is a numbers game.  And it doesn’t take a lot of time.  As long as you do what you are supposed to do when you go into the room you should get a few jobs here and there.

Now theatrical acting is what has been getting to me.  That is when you get to go to audition for TV and Movies.  It is a whole different beast.  This takes time.  You have to prepare.  You get material and have to learn pages.  Sometimes six, sometimes more, sometimes less.  Sometimes you need to read an entire script to understand what is going on.  I take an acting class every Friday.  That helps keep my theatrical skills in check.  It also helps with my directing because my acting teacher is amazing and watching him adjust actors and work with them is awesome.  And stealing from him helps me out tremendously.  Thank you John Rosenfeld.  Here is the credit that is due.  But, being in class takes time.  It is the same as an audition.  You get material.  You have to rehearse it.  Learn it.  Maybe read a script.  Class is four hours long.  Let’s do some math here.  Say I have one audition for a TV show and some class material.  Let’s say I am getting really good at auditioning.  I maybe spend two hours on the TV audition, plus two hours reading the entire script (if it is a new show or a Pilot) and then two hours driving to and from the audition.  Class that week has a scene from a movie.  Two hours reading that script and another three hours rehearsing it and maybe even driving to meet a classmate to work on it.  Then four hours in class.  One audition and one class and I have spent fifteen hours on being a theatrical actor in a week.

That is fifteen hours that could have gone into creating my passion project or my horror flick or even time to prep the Pilot.

Not to mention the time I need to allocate to Alphonso Bow and Closing Doors, the last two films I completed.  Alphonso Bow is with a sales agent so that helps.  Closing Doors just got into its first festival and should have a lot more follow.  Which means traveling to all of them and having a f#%ing blast celebrating our accomplishments.

The point of all of this, I have no gosh darn clue.

I am happier than I have ever been in my career and life.  I think it stems from life at home too.  I love where I live and everything about what I have built here.  I am more successful than I have ever been.  My skill set is improving everyday.  I am pretty damn good and most of the things I listed above.  I am great at a couple of them.  The question is, can I be great at all of them?  Is my time better spent at losing one of them?  Fifteen more hours making a movie each week could be vital in it ever getting finished.  But those fifteen hours have introduced me to talented people I would have otherwise never gotten to know and which some of the actors in the Pilot would have never been cast.  Hmmm.

BUT, I will say that this is the shit that drives me as a human.  The hustle.  The f#%ing “TO DO” list that is constantly getting adjusted daily based on what I checked off from the day before and what I have added that new day.  I love this shit!

I guess the Universe is saying to keep doing what you are doing.  Stay on track.  Stay focused for now.  The train is still running on the tracks.  It is actually cruising right along.  Life is rad.  Shut up and enjoy the ride.

Deep thoughts today,

Yours truly,


this is why we call it “Nut Bucket Films”


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