Nut Bucket Films

Chiggittee check yo’self

In Uncategorized on April 9, 2011 at 9:31 am

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It’s been one of those weeks. A bumpy little ride that decides to remind you what the f$&k you are supposed to be doing. Not that what I am doing is wrong or right, but is it the best path for me to take?

Last Saturday I was in some great company with some close peeps at the Dodger game. It was my buddy Dan’s birthday so I hooked up some tickets for us and we had a nice little baseball afternoon. We spent most of our time in the Stadium Club eating and drinking and gettin’ loose. Man that shit was fun. The Dodgers got whippin’ but I didn’t care, it was only the third game of the season and it was all about Dan’s birthday. He was pumped, I was pumped, The girls were pumped, and I was gettin’ loose.

Ended up for me a little too loose. I am an all or nothing kind of guy and when I decide to go strong I go big. I don’t really have a happy medium. So that afternoon quickly turned into an excuse for me to take the night off of work and spend it further having a good ole time. I can honestly say that the day was friggin’ awesome but was it worth it?

The guilt that I put on myself for my actions. I didn’t harm anyone. I just had a good time. But I missed work and was more than hungover the next day. I am my own worst enemy because any normal person would be OK with what had just occurred. They would probably be pumped and tell everyone how awesome it was. But me, I end up feeling guilty and shameful like I did something wrong and immediately judge myself. It’s not healthy for me but I don’t have any way to control my own mind from making me feel that way.

So I treat it as a check mark. It’s a point where I have to look in the mirror and decide if what I am doing is right for me. I have had a hell of a great few years and I know a lot of it is a result of me being on an even keel, knowing my limits and sticking by them. There is a reason I took a couple of years off from the bottle. It has made me a better person but at the same time it has completely f$&ked with my ability to have a guilt-free Saturday afternoon with friends.

It guess it’s good thing for me. I say it like it isn’t but it really is. Like I said earlier, I am all or nothing, and if I don’t check myself once in a while I will either end up losing everything or dead, most likely. I know it sounds dramatic but it’s true. I know some of you can relate and some might think I am crazy but my intentions are good. They always are. Sharing makes me better.

Immediately this week I got ultra focused. We are just three weeks out from finishing the shooting of our Pilot UNDERBELLY. I went location scouting for my next project, a thriller/horror film which will either stand alone as a feature or be part of a very secret plan to crush social media. You will know soon enough. ALPHONSO BOW comes out in June Nationwide via DVD, VOD, and all that other jazz. I am two weeks away from having my Director/Producer reel put together. CLOSING DOORS is headed to Germany next for another festival called the ISFF Detmold. And my buddy Eric is about two weeks from hearing from me so we can get back on track writing my life project.

Everyone falls off the tracks once in a while. Just hope you don’t crash and get right back on them. I am very lucky in my life so far and every slide has been for a reason. All good ones even if they seem bad. I might seem like I don’t have a personal life cuz I tell my BLOG everything, but I do and let me tell you that it freaking rocks. I am a grateful SOB.

So I leave you with DAS EFX and ICE CUBE saying “check yo self before you wreck yo self”.

Good stuff is coming. Keep listening.

Lije

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